Derrick and I always celebrated the 13th of every month as it was our dating anniversary. We chose to be married on May 26, 2006 because it was a significant date. Derrick’s soul transitioned on March 13 of this year. I will continue to carry on with the celebration of this day.

My greatest comfort during this grief journey has been recognizing the specific signs from him; knowing the love of my life is still here with me. Blue butterflies and cardinals have been the most prominent signs appearing to me (and those closest to me) in various forms. I am so sensitive and open to them that I can actually sense a shift in my body similar to chills or goosebumps when a blue butterfly is nearby. I’ve had so many beautiful encounters throughout the past seven months that are no less than miraculous. I chose to have a blue butterfly tattooed on my forearm as a constant reminder that Derrick is always with me. Our loved ones who have passed are closer than we imagine them to be and want us to keep living our best life and to be happy.

Unfortunately most of us have been affected in our own lives with cancer or someone close to us has battled this cruel disease. The past six months have been a mixed bag of emotions including fear, hope, stress and courage. While my husband is fighting this unrelenting pain and enduring chemotherapy treatments, I have become his health advocate and prayer warrior. God is constantly sending messages to us that He is right here with us weathering this storm.

Since Derrick’s last chemo session, he’s had severe nausea and difficulty keeping any food down for an entire week. When he received the approval today for an infusion to reduce the nausea and counteract the dehydration in his body, the infusion center had already closed. Our dear friend graciously arranged for a nurse to come to our home this evening to administer the infusion therapy.

Leo, the nurse was scheduled to arrive at 9 p.m. so I messaged him around 8:00 to give him some basic directions. He responded immediately with a phone call saying he’d left work early and could arrive within 10 minutes. We felt so comfortable with him from the moment he walked in and had incredible conversation during the infusion. He informed us that another client had cancelled at the last minute for this 9 p.m. appointment, so it had freed up his schedule to treat Derrick. Leo is a strong believer and as he was leaving I gave him a hug and blessed him. Then he muttered the words, “I’ll walk right through it”. I laughed and told him that was the exact title of my first published book! God is always with us.

Definition of infusion: Infuse implies a pouring in of something that gives new life or significance.

My common theme for my published books and blog is God’s divine timing. Today I am choosing to write about cancer that has affected our lives for over seven years. During this time most of our friends and family have offered emotional support and have showed up in the most amazing ways; from prayer chains to delivering meals and check-ins to see how we are doing. I cannot express how thankful we are to everyone for the outpouring of love we have received.

What weighs heavy on my heart are the highly insensitive responses I have heard a close friend and colleague. I have chosen to forgive them because they misspoke and seemed to have no clue how hurtful their words were, especially at a time when I needed encouragement and hope. The first response was from a colleague after I revealed to him that my husband had cancer. He didn’t hesitate to say, “Cancer is a death sentence.” I was shocked even though I know it to be untrue.

The second response was from my oldest friend of 44 years who has met my husband and we have both visited him in Laguna Beach. In our last phone conversation he told me, “You know he’s going to die.” My response was, “We’re all going to die”. Then he proceeded to tell me that his quality of life would be terrible.” I am still hurt when I replay this conversation in my head. I am puzzled how a dear friend could actually say those words to me.

I’ve discovered through writing that it releases any ill feelings and frees my soul from negative experiences. Our faith remains strong and we will continue to fight this metastatic prostate cancer and are thankful for his latest treatments at City of Hope. We are truly blessed in this life!

When I stepped into the hospital elevator this evening I felt defeated and exhausted from the day. There was a young man dressed in scrubs in the elevator that stopped on my floor. I told him my husband was being treated for pain management for the past two weeks and it seemed never ending. i mentioned that we remained hopeful that the radiation treatments will diminish his pain level preferably sooner than later.

While we were walking toward the front entrance he spoke with a thick accent and said, “You know the secret medicine that will help him is prayer medicine.” I responded by saying that I have been praying for his healing. Our loving Father knew I needed comfort and the reassurance that He is in control of this situation. Please join me in prayer for complete healing to Derrick’s body and know how much God loves each and every one of us.

My eleven year old nephew Adam called me this afternoon crying over his pet gecko named Opie. He chose Opie at a pet fair last summer and has taken excellent care of him. Now the little guy is struggling to breathe and may be in his last phase of life. I asked Adam if we could pray for Opie and spoke healing over his body. I ended our prayer asking for God’s will to be done and that he not suffer. Adam was so thankful and I know that he was comforted knowing his beloved Opie is in God’s hands.

With our country being so divided, I think we can all agree that this year has been our most challenging one. We have all been rocked to the core by unimaginable loss of life and months of quarantine. I would like to spread love and gratitude to all of you reading these words and turn our focus to positivity and hope in the coming months.

I am extremely grateful for this time to spend on reading, practicing yoga, hiking and exploring the great outdoors, rekindling my relationships, being of service to others, and resting when I am weary and tired.

I challenge you to start each morning praising God for every breath and to speak healing over our country, our loved ones, and focus on all the blessings in your life. Spend more of your day listening to uplifting music and less hours on social media. We are all in this chaotic world together and our souls are craving peace and unity now more than ever.

Last Tuesday evening my nephew and I discussed the power of prayer in our conversation. I shared my morning and evening ritual of talking to God and saying prayers. He desires to have a stronger relationship with the Father and I encouraged him to meditate on His word and pray daily. He’s been actively looking for a new job and asked if I could start praying for God to lead him to that position. I was elated that he asked me to pray for him and promised him to do so.

When I hung up the phone, I had a missed call. I was amazed while listening to the voicemail message. It was from the Assistant Principal of a school in our area with a job opening for me! This was a school that I’d intended to transfer to last year but the position fell through. I accepted that job offer and transferred the next day. I phoned my nephew to tell him that God was working on our behalf already and hearing our prayers. His response was, “My job is coming next! I know that God will work it out in his perfect timing!” AMEN!

Last night I made a quick run to RedBox to return a movie while my husband and granddaughter, Olivia relaxed at home. As I drove out of the parking lot I saw a young homeless man sitting on a blanket with all of his belongings propped up next to him. God nudged my heart open and placed this thought in my head; if I was sleeping outside I would want a nice, hot meal!

When I arrived home, Derrick was asleep on the couch and I motioned for Olivia to come into the kitchen. I told her of the plan that God had given to me and she smiled excitedly. I reheated some homemade black-eyed peas with smoked turkey legs over rice with a portion of collard greens leftover from dinner. We packed it up and drove back to the parking area to deliver the food.

We introduced ourselves to the young man and I handed him the food describing what Derrick had prepared. He said, “God bless you” and I told him it was a blessing for me as well. We chatted and he wished us both a happy holiday. Olivia, at age six was witness to a true act of kindness and obedience to God’s special request. I’ve learned not to question any of my Father’s instructions and am always rewarded when I follow through with them. Have a blessed and giving season!

With each step that I took on my morning hike
The uphill path seemed endless but I persisted
Knowing that I was not alone on this climb 
My Father is always with me in my spirit,
I can hear His voice guiding me on my path;
Whispering in my ear, "You are never alone".

As I reflected on the past few years, 
I was comforted as His arms wrapped around me
 Like a warm coat of honey in the afternoon sun
I praised Him for rehabilitating my body 
Also for giving me the strength and faith
To believe my husband has been healed from cancer.




Derrick and I are so thankful for all of your prayers!
Have a blessed and healthy New Year!